Easy like Sunday morning

You're probably never ever gonna see this, but it's worth a shot.

'From the day that I met you, I knew we belonged together.'

^^Cute, right? Yeah, but that's not us at all.

I met you the last week of my seventh grade year, last week of your eighth. I saw you everyday before third block, and you waved at me, and I rolled my eyes. I 'pretended' like I couldn't stand you. Truth is, I really didn't like any guy at this point at all. In all honesty, I think you waved at me everyday just to piss me off.

Some things never change.

I thought I couldn't stand you until the night of your eighth grade graduation. I was about to leave the high school and I was talking to one of my best friends, who had also graduated that night, you walked up to us and you looked at me. You just looked at me, that's it. I rolled my eyes again, only because that's what I was trained to do. I walked out the doors wondering what was wrong with me. I got in my sister's car and we went on a drive.

Yep, I realized I had feelings for you the day you graduated from middle school. Cute, right?

Nope, not at all.

I went the entire summer having feelings for you, and the whole first month of school. Without seeing you at all, of course. I saw you for the first time since the last day of school at the Homecoming football game. You sat behind me with your brother and one of my best friends, and I sat in front of you with one of my girls. I introduced your brother and my other friend to her, I looked at you and said 'And this is that loser in your grade.' You hit me on the shoulder. Surprise, surprise......

I got home from the game and I couldn't stop thinking about you. So I got your number and I texted you with the casual 'I saw you. :)'

LAAAAAAAME.

I did everything I could to hold a conversation with you, but it was almost impossible with all of your annoying short responses that I absolutely cannot stand;

"K." "Lol." "Haha." "Ok." "Yeah." "Okay." "Ha." "Yea."

Some things never change.

I eventually gave up, but of course I texted you when I woke up the very next morning. I was one determined girl!

Some things never change.

From then on, I pretty much texted you all day every day. It got to the point where we would talk on the phone for hours about absolutely nothing. Remember that huge snow storm we had? Yep, every night.

We eventually stopped talking cause we never saw each other. It wasn't really a huge deal. We probably tried two more times that year, and it just never worked out for us.

Some things never change.

It's the end of my first day of high school, I'm exhausted, and I'm talking to a few of my girls. Guess who I see? Yup, the one and only. You smile at me, that smile, and I'm undone.

You texted me that night, of course, and we grew from there.

You kissed me for the first time one day in September. Remember how it happened? I do. :)

You hugged me, right before I left school, and I said 'Gimme a kiss.' And you did. Yep, it happened just like that. Who wears the pants in this relationship?

Some things never change.

Things were going so well, I hadn't been so happy since December of my seventh grade year. So congratulations on that. Another girl got in the way, and we fell apart.

Some things never change.

I was so broken, and I gave up on you. I ran. I couldn't look at you for months.

You eased your way back in December, I let you in very willingly. You decided we weren't going to work. I got angry, so I ran.

You finally came back into my life on the day before my fifteenth birthday, March 2nd, 2011. Happy Birthday, Kat! Good birthday present, right?

I was so taken back that you were trying again, so guess who let you back in?

Some things never change.

We took it slow. Really, extremely, slow. You were different in so many ways. I was watching you grow up. It was the weirdest thing, but I loved it.

When we officially started 'talking', another girl got in the way. We got through it, worked it out, and blew right passed it.

I'm not gonna lie, the relationship we shared for the next month was incredible. You became my best friend. What happened? Another girl got in the way.

Some things never change.

We just went in a circle, now, didn't we? I don't think we'll ever be the same again. But for now, I want you to know this.

Thank you for everything you gave me. You taught me more than I thought I'd ever learn about life, and about the world we live in. You are and always will be my best friend, my rock, my light in the dark, and my Bubby. You made my laugh when I thought I would never smile again, you comforted me on some of my hardest days, you made me feel alive again. You brought me back to life, and I am forever grateful for you. I'm so proud of everything you've become already, and everything you have the potential to be. No matter where we are in this world, I will always be here for you. Always always always. You are beautiful, inside and out. You are one of the greatest companions anyone could ever ask for, and I wouldn't trade you for anything in this world. The experience you gave me is something I will never forget. Everyone makes mistakes, and nobody is ever gonna be perfect, no matter how hard they try. The only person you need to worry about being happy is you. You are my world and everything more.

Bubby,

I love you to the moon and back again, I love you a whole world full, and I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

All that I know is I'm breathing

^{http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_oYTvgPVfw&feature=related}

^{Just listen.}

^{John 20:19-23}

19 On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” ²⁰ After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.

²¹ Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” ²² And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. ²³ If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”

Jesus appeared to his disciples only a few short days after Jesus had been crucified. Now, you have to remember, Jesus was 33 years old, and he had been brutally beaten to the point where he didn't even look close to being a human anymore. He appeared to them, and what was the first thing he said?

"Peace be with you."

Some say he said this to make sure that the disciples didn't 'freak out', others say he said it so that they would automatically know that it was Jesus. I personally believe that Jesus took this statement as a permanent command. Jesus wanted peace throughout the world.

Why do I think this? Before he leaves his disciples, he says;

"If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”

"If you forgive someone's sins, they're gone for good. If you don't forgive sins, what are you going to do with them?"

That's the last thing he says as he is leaving his disciples. He comes back to them later, of course, but they have just seen Jesus for the first time, days after they had seen him, their best friend, be murdered, and that is what he says to him.

What's one of the hardest things for anyone to do?

Forgive.

There, I said it.

Getting hurt is one of the easiest things to do. We live in a world where you have no choice but to be vulnerable.

We don't choose to get hurt, but we do and we can make the choice to forgive.

Why are we wasting so much time holding grudges against each other? Why?

Because we don't wanna get hurt again, that's why.

From December of my seventh grade year, up until October of this year, my Freshman year, I held a grudge against someone. Why did I do it? Because I thought it would help me get over it. Well, obviously, holding the grudge just made my anger and hurt grow even more. The situation was confronted this year, I forgave, and guess what? Doesn't hurt anymore.

WOW! That was easy......

I wasted so much time being angry, being upset, being bitter, when I could've forgiven and moved on already. I thought that holding that grudge would make me stronger, but I was only becoming weaker and weaker everyday. The day I made the decision to forgive, I grew so much stronger.

I was put in the same situation again, this week. Only a few months after learning my lesson about forgiveness.

It may not seem like a big deal to you while you're reading this, but when you're put in a position like I was, it's absolutely terrifying.

Do you wanna hear something funny?

Running from your mistakes doesn't do much for you. But running from those who make mistakes around you, gets you absolutely no where.

You're gonna start to wonder, "Why do you keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again? Shouldn't you have learned your lesson by now?"

We need to be taught that what we're doing is wrong. The mistakes we make can only be learned from if we are aware that they're mistakes.

I chose to forgive. Not because I am weak, not because I had sympathy, but because I knew that running would get me no where.

I learned my lesson, time for you to learn yours.

1 Kings 8:30

³⁰ May you hear the humble and earnest requests from me and your people Israel when we pray toward this place. Yes, hear us from heaven where you live, and when you hear, forgive.

What do the waves have to say?

Well, hey everybody. Did you forget about me? Cause honestly, I forgot about this for a while. It's my freshman year, and I've never ever been more busy. I've been running constantly the entire year. It's exhausting, but it's my life, and I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now if I didn't love it.

Remember the girl who I was in my earlier posts? Yeah, she's gone.

So much has changed this year. So many things I can't even begin to name them all. But it's all been so incredible. I'm sure at the very end of the year I'll write a post about the entire year, but for now, I'm just gonna stick with this;

Thanks to everyone who was supported me so far this year. A special thanks to my parents, John & Karen, my sister, Suzi, my dance team & teachers, and especially my best friend, Abbey.

I'm a different woman, and that's going to continue to change. As time goes on, people evolve. Things are happening in my world that I never thought were going to happen. And do you know what that's called? Well if you don't, I encourage you to start learning now.

Reality.

Who cares baby? I think I wanna marry you

Okay, so I haven't written a blog in forever. But I just wanted to write this one to contradict one of my recent posts.

Being single is amazing. Well, at least it is for me right now.

Sometimes we just don't have the time to worry about whether your opposite likes you, or really cares. I'm so sick of giving the extra effort, and getting none in return.

I mean, if I'm gonna be happier this way, then why not? It's better to know that you have those people who will always care about you and be there.

I've recently been helping a friend with a boy problem, and I gave her the advice of 'letting things falling into place.' If you rush into something, then things will definitely not turn out the way you'll want them to. Don't try to control your own life, it's too hard to handle. If you just let things happen on their own, and follow them as you go, life will be so much easier.

I didn't realize it until a few days ago, that I needed to take my own advice. The right person will come to me. I might have already met them, or I might meet them way later on in life, but it'll happen.

So, while we're waiting, why not enjoy life? Roll with the punches, and take an opportunity when you see one.

But if you're gonna make a commitment to someone, keep it. Don't make someone be your rebound from your previous relationship, and then let them down as soon as you get over them. Don't make them think that you like them one night, and the next not even care. Follow up on your actions.

In conclusion, just live. Take a step back, and live. Things will happen for you, that's one promise I can make.

I thought that I was strong

Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do, I'll still feel you here till the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch, you keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.


Set me free, leave me be; I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity.

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me cause I'm fragile, when I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me, and all over.

Something always brings me back to you; it never takes too long.

I don't belong

Here is a letter I wrote to an old friend back in January of 2009, with some revising.

'So I kinda sorta miss you. I miss your amazing hugs. I miss your kisses. I miss your adorable smile. I miss your beautiful green eyes. I miss the way you used to look at me. I miss dieing on the weekends because I didn't get to see you. I miss getting butterflies every time I would even get near you. I miss holding your hand. I miss your arms around me. I miss flirting with you. I miss you being my first everything. I miss you being my straight up everything. I miss your voice. I miss your laugh. I miss being able to think about our first kiss the same way. I miss wondering if you were ever thinking about me. I miss you reassuring me whenever I was scared I was gonna lose you. I miss being the happiest I have ever been because of you. I miss being able to be called yours. I miss you hugging me when I was upset. I miss thinking you were gonna give up on me, then I would see your smile and everything would go away. I miss you being the first guys that's ever been able to joke around with me. I miss the way you made me laugh and smile. I miss you not being ashamed of me, even though I still think so. I miss not being able to imagine myself with any other guy. I miss wondering what good I did to deserve you. I miss being terrified to date again, but you never gave up on me. I miss being in doubt that you actually had feelings for me, then remembering that even though I was the most stubborn person ever, you still stuck around. I miss you being understanding about pretty much everything. I miss your sensitive side. I miss being a different person with you. I miss you being a different person with me. I miss no matter how many people I knew, that none of my crazy friends could drive you away from me. I miss my friends thinking we were the cutest thing ever. I miss not knowing what to call us, and what to tell people what we were and them not understanding, but not caring as long as I was with you. I miss going home mad or upset, then seeing you the next day and forgetting about everything. I miss holding stuff back, or not saying a lot of the things I wanted to just because I was scared. I miss my heart being taken. I miss always wanting to say I love you, just because I really meant it. I miss you being the only guy I have ever loved, even though you still are. I miss you being the only guy I've ever wanted to be with. I miss you being you and changing for no one.'

This letter was never delivered.

Two years and fourteen days since the day I fell for you, and some things never change.

When you love someone, never ever ever ever let them go. No matter the circumstance. Never completely let them go. You never know how much they might mean to you someday.

You don't know what you've got until it's gone.

You are my best friend, you have been since Day One, and nothing will ever change that. I love you, more than anything. You are my rock and my shield through the day and night, and you mean the world to me.

- Gone .

I didn't feel the fairytale feeling

Being single sucks.

There, I said it.

It sucks when you really really like somebody that's already in a relationship.

It sucks when you still really like them after you are in a relationship with them, and you see them with their new girlfriend.

It sucks when all of your friends have boyfriends, and you don't.

It sucks not being held.

It sucks not being wanted.

It sucks not having safety and comfort in one person.

It sucks being broken up with.

It sucks being replaced.

It sucks not being in love.

It sucks seeing the cutest and happiest couples everywhere.

Now, I'll admit it, it's nice not having a title and being attached to someone, but inside, everyone wants that one person to be committed to, and to be loved by, and to love in return.

I'm really sick of being alone.